A Mother's Day thought about Mothers and Sons..

I always thought that mothers favoured sons. It seemed to me that sons were the golden boys, the boys who could do no wrong and the reason for the bright light in their mothers eyes. I was wrong and I didn't understand this until I had my own son. Mothers and sons have a unique relationship, it is not better nor is it lesser. It is not more special or less special than the bond between mothers and daughters, it is just different.

My son or my GB (gorgeous boy) as I refer to him has just turned twenty-one. When our children reach major milestones reflecting and reminiscing is what we mothers do. I thought about my GB as a baby, as a toddler, as a little chap heading off to school, as a teenager and as the young man he is today. I realised that he is the same GB today as he was twenty one years ago. He hasn't changed and neither has the bond between mother and son. He was born with an independent spirit and has always been that way. Most children crawl before they can walk, not this GB, he stood up at the age of nine months and wandered off, he still wanders his own way. The relationship between mother and son is a protective one. We mothers protect our boys when they are young and I think our sons become protective towards us as they grow older. We worry about their first days at kindergarten, hope that they will they manage their schoolwork and pray that they survive any bullying that might come their way at high school. With girls it seems different. My DD's (darling daughters) couldn't wait to start school, could sit still long enough to finish their homework and never had to face the perils of being sent to boarding school.

As my GB has grown older our roles have reversed. The grunts of adolescence have been exchanged for lively conversation, genuine interest and concern for my well being. Those frustrating days when his favourite response, 'good', 'fine' and the multi purpose 'ok' - which really meant ' don't ask me anymore', 'don't mention it again', 'I get it' and 'are you ever going to stop asking me this' - are over. I never thought I would see the day when we could have lengthy chats about all and nothing. I am less protective and more confident that he can fight his own battles and make the right decisions. I see myself asking for his opinion and valuing his answers; I can even imagine, in the not too distant future, seeking his wise counsel. The little boy who needed looking after is now the one watching out for his mother.

I think the unique nature of the mother and son relationship exists simply because of the difference between males and females. The affinity we have with our daughters happens because we are operating in familiar and well charted territory. After all, mothers are daughters and oftentimes sisters. We grow up understanding the female way and it is this instinctive knowledge that forms the basis of a mother's relationship with her daughter. From my part I think we girls just 'get' each other; we intuitively recognise what makes us tick. Our relationships with the men in our lives require more awareness and greater patience to interpret what are naturally, the differences between us.

Every child born is the most precious gift and as mothers we can never favour one child over another; a mother's love multiplies, time and time again. Yet the birth of a son is different to the birth of a daughter. A son is not like us; he is an adventure, an untraveled journey and he is a stranger until he is not, xv.

image - this year's first roses at mas de bérard